(Somebody needs to read this. You are going to need it. Actually we all do. Especially us men.)
Sometimes I feel so out of place in the society I live in nowadays. I'm
such a weird dude. (Hmm why am I mentally visualizing 100 "likes" right
right now on facebook on that last sentence?)
When I was young boy growing up, I was taught things, more so by the example of older men around
me, that when I am approaching a doorway to a store or mall that if
anybody is behind me that I should open the door for them. That was
especially true if an older woman was behind me. I can still visually
see myself being pulled back by my collar by my dad for attempting to
enter without taking note that there was an older woman wanting to enter
without my opening the door for her. Still to this day 50 years later, I
instinctively look for people behind me when entering a public doorway
and if there is an older woman, or a woman leading children, I
especially but respectfully make it a point to open the door for her.
Teaching young boys and young men respect for ALL women in that way has
a whole extended outcome on society. It plants in them an internal
respect that affects all other interactions with and responses to women
throughout their entire lives.
In my delusional hippie days
that concept was called "square" and "old fashioned" and that notion is
still prevalent in today's Western society. In fact at least in cities
in the USA, (country boys are a whole different breed of men sometimes),
that false perception is even more prevalent than it was in my hippie
days in the 60's and early 70's. It's just not as obvious. It's become
the norm. That notion has become ingrown and subtle and it is affecting a
lot of other responses in men.
About 20 or so years ago we had
a sister in the Lord who was living with us and one day she confided
that when she was a teenager (16?) she had been raped by her stepdad and
his brother. I could see that even then, years later, the memory of it
was seriously affecting her. My response was that I was saddened for her
going through that - visibly sad. But I noticed that my sadness and
"empathy" wasn't really what she was expecting or needing really in her
heart and I honestly did NOT know how else I should respond or react.
It troubled me for years off and on because I sensed that my response
was NOT God's response and that my response was totally inadequate for
what she needed to see and hear from a man, a brother after the fact
over what they had done to her. So once again in my life, I needed my
Heavenly DADDY to teach me what I needed planted inside me so I could
respond with HIS response in a situation like that. Off and on I would
pray and agonize over this unknown lack in me when it would come up. I
just couldn't find it. I'd always flash on that sister's face looking at
me wanting so badly for a man's response to that torturous memory. The
right response. The one she needed.
A little over 10 years ago,
We were living in a pretty good neighborhood. One night I found myself
suddenly wide awake at 2:00AM out of a sound sleep. If anybody knows me, do
NOT wake me up when I am in a sound sleep. I knew only God
would dare wake me up like that (He's done it before) so I went
downstairs into the patio and waited on the Lord. A few minutes later I
heard someone out on the sidewalk across the street and I heard the
voice of a young lady saying in a trembling fearful voice, "Please leave
me alone!" That touched something in my heart with an instant response.
I moved over quietly and undetected and hid alongside our wood fence to
observe what was going on. Three young men (pretty big guys) were
circling around her on bicycles and wouldn't let her go any further.
They were taunting her. It was very dark but I could see them in the
shadows. Then I heard one of them in this sleazy lying voice tell her,
"We won't hurt you..." I KNEW right then what they were up to.
I wasn't really physically well at the time and I knew I was no match
for those three young "men" (Did I say men? I meant animals). But, I had
been praying the whole time and I knew I HAD to do something. Suddenly,
something rose up inside of me and I yelled in a furious gravelly voice
so loud (almost like the roar of a lion) that it shocked me, "You ok?"
and those guys took off out of there like pigs scattering in a forest.
Realizing she was terrified and didn't need a man that was a stranger
approaching her at that moment, I asked her if she lived nearby and she
said yes. I told her in my gentile "daddy" voice, "listen I know you are
scared right now so I'm going to follow a ways behind you and make sure
you get home ok... She said ok and I walked for several blocks until I
saw her go into the door of her house. Two weeks later I was telling a
friend about all this and he said, "Don't you read the news? Three guys
on bicycles dragged an older lady off her porch and violently raped her
the other night..." (not the same night) I guess nobody woke up that
night...
That night, for that moment, something inside me
kicked in. That young lady became as my daughter right then and I knew I
had a responsibility to come to her aid as much as if she was my own
daughter, or wife or sister, or grandmother. In effect I instinctively
opened the door for her to pass through and escape being raped.
I also finally understood a bit about what that sister needed from me
all those years ago. She needed me to express ANGER that those men raped
her. Furious anger inside like I would be if my own physical sister had
gotten raped. I needed to respond just like God was when it happened.
They raped His child! She needed to know that God was furiously angry at
what they had done to her.
I need to note here that the anger I am talking about is not the macho stomping around all mad type. That kind of anger only makes somebody feel good about themselves. I'm talking about an anger that produces rightful responses. Responses not Irrational Reactions...
So men, in our plans to reorder our
societal norms, we better not forget to keep the part about teaching
our sons to "open the door" out of respect for women cause I can
guarantee you that the father's of those three 19 year old young men or
that step dad and his brother didn't. But if we aren't living in respect
of women or aware of our responsibility to protect them ourselves, no
matter how well we are teaching them, don't expect them to be any
different than we are...
People always tell me, "If God is such
a loving God, why does he allow bad things to happen?" God gave man
dominion over the earth. He gave him the gift of "free will". It's not
God that is allowing people to do bad things. We are...
God
said, "Why when I called was there no one to answer? No man to stand in
the gap? Maybe we all need to do some soul searching about our answer to
that question...
